faq

Jones: PEN OR PENCIL?
SGJ: I can’t really handle how loud pencils are.

Jones: HOW FAST CAN YOU TYPE?
SGJ: Can’t quite hit the 220wpm Philip K Dick was supposed to. But I plan on living longer, too.

Jones: WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE X-FILES EPISODE?
SGJ: “Jose Chung’s Little Green Men

Jones: WHY WRITE?
SGJ: Because I can’t help it.

Jones: THREE MOST IMPORTANT NOVELS OF THE 20th CENTURY?
SGJ: Catch-22, Deliverance, and White Hotel.

Jones: WHY IS THIS SITE ‘OFFICIAL?’
SGJ: Surely it doesn’t say that anywhere. But, if it is, I don’t know: because I made it? Where ‘made’ means ‘stole,’ of course. But, the other site, the one before this, stephengrahamjones.net, yeah, it was ‘official,’ in the sense of ‘authorized’ : these three guys (Drew, Dan, Nick) asked if they could do it. I said yeah, wonderful, thanks. Some of the content on this site’s from there (thanks much to Nick for it).

Jones: YOU’RE INDIAN, RIGHT?
SGJ: Blackfeet, yes.

Jones: THAT’S WHY THE LONG HAIR?
SGJ: No. Long hair because I used to want to look like George Lynch, back when he was part of Dokken. Indians, actually, can have any-length hair. It’s a crazy world.

Jones: ARE YOU THE STEPHEN JONES THAT EDITS THOSE MAMMOTH HORROR ANTHOLOGIES?
SGJ: Can I get free copies if I am? But, no, he’s the reason I use my middle name.

Jones: BEST TRUCK EVER?
SGJ: 1979 Bronco XLT, metalflake blue on Ford White. Preferably with the 351C and a 4-speed.

Jones: READ COMICS?
SGJ: Religiously.

Jones: WHAT ARE YOU WORST DAYS?
SGJ: Anytime I find myself somewhere without a pen.

Jones: YOU TEACH FICTION AT TEXAS TECH?
SGJ: Yep.

Jones: YOU WRITE SCREENPLAYS TOO?
SGJ: My ex-publisher sent me to most of those Robert McKee seminars, and I’ve taken some other classes besides. It’s a fun medium, yeah. I try.

Jones: ZOMBIES OR VAMPIRES?
SGJ: Werewolves.

Jones: ADVICE FOR JUST STARTING-OUT WRITERS?
SGJ: Inhale fiction, night and day. Soon enough it’ll come bleeding back out. And, this whole thing about “other people” is overrated: all that exists is you and the page. Too, if you have to choose between the bar or a couple hours writing, then go ahead and hit the bar, I say. Because you’re not doing fiction any good.

Jones: YOUR AGENT?
SGJ: BJ Robbins.

Jones: HAVE A GREAT UNDISCOVERED WRITER FOR US?
SGJ: He’s not really “undiscovered,” but not enough people have read Charles McCarry’s Paul Christopher series. The guy writes with a precision and grace you don’t see very often at all. Stanislaw Lem, too: the guy was simply brilliant.

Jones: IN YOUR BIOMATTER, YOU SAY YOU GOT YOUR TONGUE CUT OFF?
SGJ: My teeth cut it off, but it was because of a bat to the face. It’s sewed back on now though, my tongue. I grew up worshipping Gene Simmons. When I wear make-up, however, it’s usually Paul Stanley style. I can’t explain this.

Jones: MAKE-UP? IS THIS FOR HALLOWEEN?
SGJ: For Halloween I’m always either a pirate or Jason Voorhees.

Jones: YOU GOT A PhD IN WRITING FROM FLORIDA STATE UNIVERSITY?
SGJ: Yep.

Jones: YOU USED TO RUN THAT MOVIE SITE, YEAH?
SGJ: Like you can remember that far back? Yeah though, Cinemuck. But then forgot to renew the URL one foggy day. It’s all archived now, here on the site (scroll down a bit…) and here. Only messed up on a couple of them. Pretty obvious which.

Jones: CLAIM TO FAME?
SGJ: I own the single coolest shirt in the world. But it’s too small for me. Here:

pearl snap heaven

Jones: THERE ANY WRITERS WHO SHUT YOU UP?
SGJ: When I read them, you mean? Yeah: Philip K Dick, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. Elmore Leonard’s not very helpful either. They all intimidate me silent.

Jones: WHO DO YOU LISTEN TO, MUSIC-WISE?
SGJ: Waylon and Bob Seger and Springsteen and Steely Dan. Frank Zappa, unhealthy amounts of Meatloaf. Lot of Mulehead, I suppose. Usually not radio, unless it’s playing Bonnie Tyler.

Jones: SCARIEST THING YOU’VE EVER SEEN?
SGJ: Certain commercials terrify me. I keep all commericals muted, just in case one of those bad ones comes on. Don’t want to be caught unawares.

Jones: DO YOU WRITE NON-FICTION?
SGJ: So far, I’ve accidentally written two stories in which I forgot to lie. Not sure if that counts. “Bestiary” and “The Wages: an Argument.”

Jones: POETRY?
SGJ: Nope. Though I have had some sentences and paragraphs published in poetry-only places.

Jones: WEREWOLVES?
SGJ: Yes.

JONES: CORRECT WAY TO SPELL THE COLOR MIDWAY BETWEEN BLACK AND WHITE?
SGJ: Grey.’ It’s so clunky if you do it with the ‘a.’

Jones: IN CLOSING?
SGJ: I will not will not with a goat.