Looking for Sheriff Lobo

In Georgia, I mean, where I just was (GC&SU) to do a reading and meet many cool people. All kinds of fun (no recordings or pics that I know of, though); they have really old buildings there. I think some of them are Roman, even. And, Lobo — he was out of Georgia, right? I seem to remember the opening credits showing downtown Atlanta. Anyway, I miss him. It was only a thirty-minute show, as I recall, not a full hour like the Dukes got, but still, I mean, BJ & the Bear? You can pack a lot into thirty minutes. Though, talking BJ & the Bear, I was always very confused how he carried those red Firebirds (or were they TA’s?) around, just wherever he needed them. It did teach me that driving through a wall can solve a lot of life’s problems, though. And that it’s always to your advantage to know people with names like ‘Stax.’

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My Prose Comb

Was poring through some story or novel the other day, to submit it, and realized, now that the story was more or less in place, at least until somebody else jammed their hands into it, that all I was looking at were the words, the sentences. Which is nice, yeah, makes a piece feel ‘done.’ Like Carver’s supposed to have said, he knew it was time to step away from a piece when all he was doing anymore was changing commas (but yeah, look at the differences in his “The Bath” and “A Small, Good Thing,” which “The Bath” became).

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In my movie, should anybody ever let me make one:

  • if anybody’s carrying a bag of groceries, it won’t have French bread in it
  • nobody will flick playing cards into and around a trashcan or hat
  • if the characters need to hack into somebody’s computer, the password will be unguessable
  • if there’s some big and final showdown on a boat, then it won’t be finally decided with a flare gun
  • if somebody cuts their wrists in the bathtub, there won’t be a lit candle there
  • if there’s a detective of any kind in my story, then he won’t keep a bottle of bourbon in his drawer
  • nobody will say “in English, please”
  • if someone throws up then the amount they throw up will be more than a mouthful
  • if there’s a slam-dunk, it’ll be one continuous shot rather than cutting to above the rim
  • if voice-over is used, then we’ll get to ‘see’ that voice-overer at the end
  • if there are aliens, then they’ll be neither bipedal nor bilaterally symmetrical
  • the news broadcast won’t immediately deliver exactly what my characters need
  • the gun won’t slide away. it’ll just land there, stay there
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    bat segundo

    [ or, just http://www.edrants.com/segundo/?p=116 ]

    Too, that “monkey torture” — thanks to Carolyn for suggesting YouTube — it’s (t)here. And, talking Lindsay Ballard — this is kind of from the podcast — that alien race, they’re the Kobali, of course, from the “Ashes to Ashes” episode of Star Trek Voyager. Which I know because I’m cool. As to why I love it, though, that’s complicated, but completely understandable.

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    Stoker bid for “Raphael”

    Just got word that that “Raphael” story from Cemetery Dance 55 has made the shortlist for a Stoker. Supercool.

    Here’s the whole ballot. Some pretty steep competition, I’d say:

    “Hallucigenia” by Laird Barron (The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction)
    “Graffiti” by Jason Brannon (Winds of Change)
    “Winds of Change” by Jason Brannon (Winds of Change)
    “The Ballad of Road Mama and Daddy Bliss” by Gary Braunbeck (Destinations Unknown)
    Failure by John Everson (Delirium)
    Mama’s Boy by Fran Friel (Insidious Reflections)
    Then Comes the Child by Christopher Fulbright and Angeline Hawkes (Carnifex Press)
    Bloodstained Oz by Christopher Golden and James A. Moore (Earthling Publications)
    “The Muldoon” by Glen Hirshberg (American Morons)
    “Raphael” by Stephen Graham Jones (Cemetery Dance)
    Take The Long Way Home by Brian Keene (Necessary Evil Press)
    “Dark Harvest” by Norman Partridge (Cemetery Dance)
    The Colour Out of Darkness by John Pelan (Cemetery Dance)

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    What to do just right before you turn 35 :

  • First, and this is important, get Vince Liaguno, the guy who knows slashers so well that he managed to somehow trap one on the page in The Literary Six, to have written just a supercool Demon Theory review over at Unspeakable Horror, then, moments after that,
  • find out that Ellen Datlow, she who more than anybody else is probably responsible for you being a writer — her OMNI fiction being your first experience with fiction that was doing something, that was more than just words on the page — has selected your “Raphael” short story out of Cemetery Dance for the twentieth The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror, and then
  • somehow hold your breath until Monday, when NBC and Fox, thinking a cake just wasn’t going to cut it this year, decided just to give you those next installments of Heroes and 24.
  • Only thing that might make it all better would be, you don’t know, maybe some movie that’s everything you like in a movie and more finally getting wide-release . . .
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    The Glass Teat

    Benson: only the good die young
    Cheers: have a good life
    “You oughtta know”: grammies
    bball–23 sick and scoring 55 or whatever
    challenger (jfk/towers)
    rockford: 50 people tell you you’re drink, maybe you oughtta lie down
    uncle jesse: only one way to go down a hill. STRAIGHT down.
    tasha yar: going back
    chrissy to jack: save air in elevator, one nostril

    pop-up video: bob seger, Screentime
    seeing myself on tv: scott, rabies

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    Forthcoming Stories

  • “Father, Son, Holy Rabbit” will be in Cemetery Dance 57, looks like — with an excellent/cool illustration ( then “Hell on the Homefront” in #58 )
  • “Code,” out in Grasslimbs before too long
  • “The Parable of the Gun,” in Clackamas Literary Review
  • “The Talk,” in the debut issue of Yellow Medicine Review
  • “The Sadness of Two People Meeting in a Bar,” Red Rock Review
  • and “Vanity of Open Spaces” in Arts & Letters very soon here
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